i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
