You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
