hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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