Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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