my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
