I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't turn off my feet"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My vagina just clenched in fear
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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