I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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