I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
