Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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