apparently the secret to your success is patron
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
