remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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