I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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