i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
