I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
