at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
