I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
