you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
