FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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