so that wasnt chicken after all
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
