I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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