why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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