the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
