Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
