Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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