at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
