Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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