I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
