I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Someone signed my nipple.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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