Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
