He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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