Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
