I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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