He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
