I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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