Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
