so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
