the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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