But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
