you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Michael Bay diarrhea
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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