just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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