you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
