He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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