Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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