My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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