As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
