Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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