OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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