I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
