I need to stop coming to work sober
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
