I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
