Where is the hickey?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
