I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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