as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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